Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
