There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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