she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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