So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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