when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
