I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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