My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
