The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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