do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
