I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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