yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
