I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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