all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize