you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
