That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
