I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
