I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
