omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We don't watch enough power rangers
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
