Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
