hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
