get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
