is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We are two peas in an std pod
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
