I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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