lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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