theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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