Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
