My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
