guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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