what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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