dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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