I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
