last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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