omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
