He asked me if I "almost moaned"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
