I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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