I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
