She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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