I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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