My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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