So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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