Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
