Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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