In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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