The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
