I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize