I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
