3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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