i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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