when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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