The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
