if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
