I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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