I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
