So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize