oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize