i used baking grease as lip gloss
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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