You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
