so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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