I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
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