i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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