dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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