I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
