I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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