I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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