There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
