apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
