He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
