When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
