The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
