and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
