after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Randomize