He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
