I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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