now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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