I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
