How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
