she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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