Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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