Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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