Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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