its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
