and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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