She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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