I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
