You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
