you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
