you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
