You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
