Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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