my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
