it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
