Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
