after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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