bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
