I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
