make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
