this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
