Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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