trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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