roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
