i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize