there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
