somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
