I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He felt like a one man threesome
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
