apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
