dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you would pick up someone in the library
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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