Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
