I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
